Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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