He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
