If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
