You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
