At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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