Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
