I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
