Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
