Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
