I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
