do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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