I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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