Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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