Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
