you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
