let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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