so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
