I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
