Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
