That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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