It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
