Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
