I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
