the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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