That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
