What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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