um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
