my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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