I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
