Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
