i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
