ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
