i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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