You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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