So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up under a house in Key West
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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