did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
