But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
