We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
