My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
