The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
