Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
