I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
