fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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