You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
