actually, I'm a sock model
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
