atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He passed out mid-signature
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
