i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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