I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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