she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
