my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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