Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
