My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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