the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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