I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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