Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
