I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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