took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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